Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
