and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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