dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
