I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
