LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
