i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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