also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
