i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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