I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
