Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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