Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
