And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i drank out of a bidet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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