i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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