belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
