Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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