Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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