finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
