I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
