My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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