a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
