There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
