Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
