I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
