shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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