We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
