First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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