I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
