I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
