You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
