We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize