So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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