I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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