i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
