Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize