I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
