I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Randomize
