I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
