It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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