he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
