i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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