I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize