You're completely useless in the revolution.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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