YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
