im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
