I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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