No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
