you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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