I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
