I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
