On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Those nachos came to me in a dream
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize