Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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