i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
