he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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