I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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