That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
