I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
