This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
