I wanna bring you to show and tell
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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