he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
