I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
