pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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