just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
