Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
