Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
