I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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