Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
