Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
