So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
pray to the hookup gods
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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