im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
