Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
