Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
