covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
