Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
