Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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