do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
